Leftist Columnist: I Told My Child Trump Eats Children

In what passes as satire, a leftist columnist who writes for Salon, The Boston Globe, and The Washington Post, writes that she was freaked out that her five-year-old son voted for Donald Trump in the school election, and decided to emulate the witch in Hansel and Gretel, telling him Trump “eats children.”

Adina Giannelli writes, “I breathed a sigh of relief when Samuel’s school election results came in: Clinton won the general. I wasn’t entirely surprised, given the demographics of his day school, but my relief was palpable.”

But then, disaster. Picking up her son, she asked him how his first Election Day was.  He responded, “I voted for Trump. He lost the school election, but I voted for him anyway!”

Giannelli asked, “What do you mean?”

Her son grinned, “I know you don’t like him, and I know he lost but I voted for him anyway!”

Giannelli writes:

I contemplated how I might convey the magnitude of my displeasure, without projecting my political beliefs upon my child. I contemplated calling in an expert, and I contemplated that golden chestnut of parenting we call reverse psychology. I contemplated changing the subject, and I contemplated biting my tongue and saying nothing at all, perhaps the safest course of all in these troubled times. But I didn’t do any of that. “He eats children,” I said instead.

After her son replied, “For dinner?!” Giannelli backtracked, “Um, no! It’s just—“

Samuel: “I get it. He doesn’t ACTUALLY eat children. He just wants to eat them?”

Giannelli: “Not exactly. What I meant to say was that he likes to eat dinner with children, he knows many children, and he likes to eat dinner with them.”

Giannelli continues, “I went to bed that night gutted, devastated, terrified, and concerned about the future of this country—and the fate of humanity moreover,” adding, “But my biggest fear, in that moment, was not the rollback of progressive policies or the social and economic ramifications of this man’s election. Instead, I worried narcissistically about what would happen when Samuel went to school the next day, only to reveal the unthinkable: our President-Elect was a cannibal. How would I explain that to the kindergarten teacher?”

The next morning, Giannelli discussed the issue with her son again. Samuel asked, “So it’s OK if I voted for Trump? My teacher said we have to give him a chance.”

Giannelli admitted that everyone can vote for whomever they choose. Samuel replied, “That’s good. Because actually, I wanted to vote for God . . . But God wasn’t on the ticket. I told you I voted for Donald Trump, because I knew you wouldn’t like it. But I lied. In the end I voted for Clinton. She didn’t win, but I think that’s what God would have wanted.”

All’s well that ends well, apparently.

Even if you are a hysteric neurotic leftist Clinton supporter and Trump got elected.